Not Feelin' The Lovin'

Teens ~ Teenies ~ Tweens ... whatever they go by, they're as complicated as heck! They push you away, clam up, shy away from public displays of affection, are way more cooler than you and truly know it all. Guess what? Despite it all, deep down they still need to know you love them ... need to see it ... need to feel it.

When our babies are little, they respond naturally to giggling, snuggling and smooching. Once they reach puberty, all bets are off. Not to worry though. Those stiff boards and frosty mugs are just battling with their inner process of becoming independent. They've got a whole lot of madness going on inside of them about learning how to drive, doing well in school, fitting in with friends, living up to your standards as a parent. So how does everyone survive the madness? These steps might help:

Respect Their Rep

That's right. I said rep ... meaning reputation. When they're with their friends, play it cool. Kisses and hugs can wait when no one else is around unless your son and daughter offer it freely.

Start A New Routine

Tucking them in at night and reading bedtime stories are long gone. It doesn't mean you have to end them entirely so, try blowing them a kiss at night, tapping knuckles, insist on a smooch when you hand over the car keys, pat them affectionately when you drop them off at the mall or give them spending money. Still showing affection is important and can be pulled off in a more subtle manner.

Find Loving Alternatives

Girls don't like their hair tussled by their fathers and sometimes it's awkward and embarrassing once they begin to develop so, a back scratch while they're sitting or bumping hips at the kitchen sink or refrigerator works just as well. When it's a son ... flicking him with a dishrag or a soft punch on the arm ... just like his buddies would do. I know. I know. Just not the same as a real affectionate hug and kiss but, they'll feel it just the same.

Chill The Way They Do

Flop down on the couch next to them during one of their programs. Granted MTV may not be your all time fav show, but sitting shoulder-to-shoulder for an episode once and a while really won't kill you.

Choose A Moment

More than likely, you'll get the brush off. However, the time will come when you'll hit a vulnerable moment and your teen is overwhelmed by something at school, over a friend or love interest. They might not ask for it but through a reassuring arm around them and let them know you are there to talk about anything if they need to. As much as they won't admit it, they'll love it you're aware enough something is bothering them and offering to be there to listen.

Showing Up Matters

Being there trumps everything from rooting for them in the stands, attending a performance at school, eating dinner together most nights and really listening on their terms ... not yours and without judgment.

Remember, it's not what you say or do but, how you say and do it.